Have you ever heard the call a peacock makes? Sounds like a distressed cat. One peacock starts and then the others chime in and they all make the same sad cat sounds together like a creepy ceremony. There are four wild peacocks that wander around the property in Chino Valley, Arizona. When I think of peacocks I do not think of the desert do you? Its just weird. So here I am its late May in Arizona and its so hot I sweat just sitting here in my beat up trailer. Yes…I live in a trailer. And its a mess. Popcorn and beading supplies and books everywhere. Tarot cards laying all over the bed for pa rousing my future endeavors for caution. Jesus candles half burned down on tables and on counters. Incense ashes blow through the mesh open windows and my legs slide off on another from sweat. Ever notice you feel more fat in the summer? There is no hiding your body under a sweater or pants and you retain water and puff up like a sausage. I hate the hot weather and I moved to Arizona. Wonderful.
Its too hot to work today so we all sit inside and try not to breathe too much so we wont add to the heat. Kim and I gave the dogs a bath and I felt like a kid for a moment. Closing my eyes and tensing up when perry the pit bull lab mix shakes the water off his body all over mine. I continue the child-like state and go eat a big bowl of ice cream. Coffee. Think about my grandfather as I eat it on the hammock outside. 98 years old and my grandfather is a rock to my family still. Loves to drink like a fish, Jack Daniels everyday. Fills the short on the rocks glass to the brim, sips on it a little and drops two ice cubes in. Sits in his recliner and reads the paper. Loves coffee ice cream and chews it like popcorn. I love that man and think about mortality and the human condition of love and death and how I wish I could love death and openly accept my own mortality and celebrate it. Life is short. Drink Jack Daniels, eat ice cream for lunch and sleep on a hammock smelling like a wet dog all afternoon.
It is so hot, my brain likes to take a walk while my body sits in place on the hammock. Today is is late May, and my inner child came out to play while peacocks cast spells and have satanic ceremonies in the field.
We try to make every birthday special at the farm. Yesterday was Erik’s birthday. And of course his cupcakes couldn’t just say happy birthday…so they said “Happy Birthday, you fack!”
also their was a tiara. These are porter cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting.
This song on repeat over and over. I’m coming home in six days and im thrilled. Mini vacation with my family.
“So let your love flow and fall from heaven
to melt the snow beneath
and in our throats the bursting song and
we will come together again,
and bullfrog music shall environ common spring.”
A quote from Gerrit Lansings book, Heavenly tree, Northern Earth.
May. A new month a new outlook. Must work hard on my what’s at hand. Pull weeds. Enjoy the sun. Im sunburned as all hell. painfully so.
Here are three out of five dogs at the farm. From Left to right: Perry, Loui and Arlen.
This is Nancy-the pregnant goat. She’s kind of a bitch.
This week we had to use three cases of fresh picked cucumbers. We made cucumber soup, bread and butter pickles, dill pickles, refrigerator pickles, sushi, and this delicious cucumber slushie. Its about three cucumbers, a couple tablespoons lime juice, a little fresh ginger and ice. Really refreshing.
And the best for last, Kate and Mike bought us a Keg to save all the glass we wrack up from beer bottles. Its a local porter and it is soooo smooth. Im in heaven.
Basically. Keep my head down, work and try to enjoy myself without falling apart too much. Time passes, things get better. My IPhone broke. what the fuck. now i can’t listen to music while i work. thats a big deal. This weekend im applying to hatch show press for their internship in two months. cross your fingers universe.
There is a fire going on out back. Porter and fire. lovely weather for beer in Arizona.
I miss you.
In college I made art about my childhood, my upbringing and everything that I thought had some merrit. But once college was over, and i’ve made art about
sleeping with women all the important themes in my life, there was a blank space where ideas used to be. I was bored. I hated myself. I wanted out of the consumerist world and get my hands dirty. That was last May. This is this May. Things haven’t changed. I’m still bored. I’m not content with myself as an artist and feel I’m wasting myself to my self loathing. While I am out trying to change everything about myself I’m wasting the person I’ve become. I’ve had some adventures. I live in a trailer in Arizona with Erik. Its complicated. Erik not the trailer. The trailer doesn’t even have running water. The farm I work on is great. They have four dogs and thats pretty much all this girl wants. Dogs, organic food, good people. Some photos following this of some random life shots. This is my account of myself and the happenings around these parts. Enjoy. And if you don’t, then don’t read and go over to live journal and complain about it. Is live journal still around? Its for pussies and teenagers.
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